Language Investigation 2: Unprepared

Throughout primary and secondary school, I learned to write a “great” structured essay and I read all the required (as well as the suggested) texts. I was a gold star student. My teachers told me what to write, and I wrote it. I learned that an essay has three parts- introduction, body, conclusion, and I could write one in a wee three paragraphs to a great seven. I could tell you about any of the classics in literature including the author, cultural context, plot synopsis, and main themes. I was a teacher pleaser. That’s what I learned was valuable, because that’s how I got the good grade. I was an expert at retaining all the information my teachers presented and then writing it down in a few varying words to turn in as a paper or scribble down on the test.

When reflecting on how these conventions have affected my experiences as a college writer, it was awfully frustrating to have graduated high school with a gold cord and honors and then arrive at college and experience academic failure. My first year of college was very thorny. On top of battling an acute homesickness, I was not academically prepared for college. Consequentially, my grades suffered. Thinking critically was very foreign and even painful at times. It was a struggle to get away from asking myself what does the professor want me to say in this paper, rather than what do I think for myself. I had been trained, for so many years, to report information based on what my teachers were looking for; synthesizing information and drawing new knowledge from those findings was not familiar to me. Even in a lot of my college classes I was asked to write in a manner of reporting and re-wording information.

It wasn’t until I took a class taught by Deborah Dimon in the English department, that I really started to learn “critical literacy” in my writing. I remember it took me immensely more time to write her papers than the papers I was writing for other classes. She was asking us to view everything we encounter as a text (not just the books we read), then to make connections with those texts, and out of those connections draw new conclusions and pull unfamiliar knowledge out. She was asking us to think critically. My brain jellied at first. Writing that first paper of hers was almost excruciating. I was up all night, clawing and scratching for some light. Each connection and resulting conclusion was a birthing process. That morning I was exhausted, but I had a paper to be proud of. It was mine. To find knowledge on my own out of my very own connections was revolutionary. It was like turning a 2-dimensional photo of knowledge with limited color into a 3-demensional experience that had hues I had only ever imagined existed. There was depth to learning. My mind reveled in it. It was hungry all along for this kind of comprehension. However, for all the grandeur of being a critical thinker, learning it was, never the less, a tricky process, one which my earlier education failed to bring me to.

Talk Christian With Me

I fought to be in the Spirit today. It’s not always easy. More often than not my flesh tends to get the better part of me. It is a constant battle. My spirit and my flesh are at war within me.
This kind of language probably seems truly bizarre and somewhat baffling to a lot of people; however, it is tremendously common in my everyday thoughts, journal entries and my conversations with fellow believers (I try not to completely throw people off who aren’t Christians by telling them “I fought to be in the Spirit today,” when they ask how my day was). I am a Christian. That being so, I am a part of a close Christian community, and we are constantly encouraging each other and sharing verses, prayer requests, answered prayers, and our struggles. “Being in the Spirit” is one of the phrases commonly heard in the Christian community, along with words and phrases like salvation by grace, and the like. I’m fairly certain most people at CSU have heard some of these, but what do they mean and why do we Christians use them?
As a Christian, the Bible is like a map for life. It is God’s inspired word; therefore, it holds great preeminence for us. All of the above mentioned phrases or words are referenced in some form, usually more than once, in this great book. One of the more common references to “being in the Spirit” can be found in the New Testament in a letter written by Paul to the churches of Galatia:

“So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. … But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires.” -Galatians 5:16-18, 22-24 (NIV)

Salvation by grace is a big one for Christians. We believe that there is nothing a person can do to save him/herself, in other words, it is not by good works that a person earns salvation (or saved from eternity separated from God and His goodness). Let me break this one down. So, salvation or being saved is when a person chooses to believe (also where the term “believer” comes from) and accepts Jesus Christ’s sacrifice on the cross for the payment of their sins. As a Christian I believe that every person is an eternal being, meaning after a person’s earthly body passes away that person will still exist in either heaven or hell. The Bible says in Ephesians 2: 8 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.”
This is all common terminology in the Christian arena, but it is not necessarily something I spout off in conversations with every person I come in contact with. It’s not that I am ashamed of my faith; I actually love to talk about it. The thing is, it is not always appropriate to use this terminology in all communities, because a lot of people have different beliefs and can easily be offended or turned off by it. Using this terminology in the right context can simplify and expedite conversation but used in the wrong context can isolate or alienate those who don’t necessarily understand what I believe.

Memory Vignette

Jessica and I were like sisters, and because of that we even fought like sisters. She was my best friend through middle and high school. We knew each other better than anyone, which meant we knew how to hurt each other better than anyone. During one particular fight I learned just how powerful language is and how great is our need for it. I’m not even sure what the quarrel was all about now; I only remember Jessica, in her anger, decided she wouldn’t speak to me. So, for about a 24 hour period she cut off all communication with me. No matter what I said, she would not even acknowledge me. She was seething, and all I wanted to do was make amends. In those 24 hours I felt so small.
“I’m sorry Jessica. Please,” I pleaded with her. She turned her face from me and continued rummaging in her locker. I touched her arm. She brusquely pulled it away, slammed her locker door shut and stormed off. I sighed.
Samantha, a mutual friend, was across the hall talking to some boys. I caught her eye and waved her over to me. She rolled her eyes and proceeded to talk to the guys. When the bell rang and her flirty friends drifted off, I caught up to her on the way to the class we both had next.
“Hey Sam, are you mad at me too?” I asked. She didn’t reply. “Oh great, you too! What did Jessica tell you?” Still no reply.
Being denied communication was a very disorienting experience. It caused a lot of frustration and belittlement.